Coming Home to Yourself: A Journey Through Men’s Work and Inner Transformation
The Beginning of My Journey
Over the last decade or more, I’ve returned again and again to a particular kind of space — not a fixed location, but a powerful and sacred container that takes form across Australia and internationally. I am grateful that these New Warrior Training Adventure weekends are held in deep relationship with local Indigenous Elders — Uncles and Aunties who bless and guide the space with cultural wisdom and respect for Country.
When I first arrived at one of these weekends, it wasn’t as a therapist or facilitator. I came as a man whose life had begun to unravel. My relationship was strained, my stress levels unbearable, and my inner world chaotic. To be more accurate — I had hit rock bottom.
That weekend marked a significant milestone in a much longer inner journey — one that began for me back in the early 1990s.
Over those 48 hours, I came face-to-face with parts of myself I had been hiding from, denying, or disowning. I saw the raw truth of my behaviours and the impact they had on those closest to me.
In the weeks, months, and years that followed, I stayed with the work: taking responsibility for my actions, owning my emotions, and slowly transforming old patterns. I uncovered even more hidden parts of myself, confronted painful truths, and began growing into a version of myself that felt more grounded, more whole, and more capable of real connection.
And I found community — a circle of men who could witness me without judgment, challenge me without shaming, and walk beside me through both fire and celebration. Many of those men have since become my closest friends, colleagues, and collaborators.
Today, I’m honoured to co-lead these weekends — to support, facilitate, and witness the transformation of other men. I see them return home with renewed purpose — ready to show up more honestly as partners, parents, and community members. And I see many of them come back, again and again, to support the next man on his path. Because once you’ve walked this road, you understand: this work matters.
And for me, it matters in a very personal way. I have two daughters who are now young adults — and a big part of my motivation for doing this work is to help create a safer, more conscious world for them, and perhaps one day, for my grandchildren to grow up in.
This blog shares some of the core frameworks that shape this work — from mythology to psychology — and how these ancient and modern lenses can help us live with greater integrity, courage, and heart.
"As you start to walk on the way, the way appears,"
— Rumi
The Hero’s Journey: A Map for Inner Transformation
One of the central frameworks that underpins the New Warrior Training Adventure is Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey — a mythological pattern found across cultures and time periods. Campbell, a scholar of comparative mythology, outlined this journey in his seminal book The Hero with a Thousand Faces, and later reflected on it more personally in The Hero’s Journey: Joseph Campbell on His Life and Work.
At its core, the Hero’s Journey is a story of transformation. It begins with an ordinary life — then something disrupts that life, calling the individual into the unknown. Along the way, the hero faces trials, meets mentors, encounters inner and outer demons, and ultimately returns changed — not just for his own benefit, but for the community.
“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.”
— Joseph Campbell
In men’s work, this isn’t just metaphor. It’s lived. The Hero’s Journey becomes a powerful lens through which to understand our own process of breakdown and breakthrough — and how we return to life with more self-awareness, courage, and capacity to serve.
This arc is so universal that many of our most beloved films and books follow it — from Star Wars, to The Hobbit, to Harry Potter. Why? Because it mirrors something deep within the human experience. We are all called to grow, to leave the familiar, to face ourselves, and to return with new wisdom.
Leave the Ordinary, Return with the Elixir
The 12 Stages of the Hero’s Journey
The Ordinary World
Life before the change — familiar, but often unfulfilling. Many men arrive at the weekend from this place: stressed, stuck, or disconnected.The Call to Adventure
A crisis or longing that disrupts the ordinary. It might be a failing relationship, burnout, grief, or a quiet inner knowing that something has to change.Refusal of the Call
Fear shows up. “I don’t have time.” “This isn’t for me.” “What if I’m not ready?” Avoidance, distraction, and excuses are common here.Meeting the Mentor
Support arrives. A friend, a therapist, a partner — or the weekend itself — offers guidance, tools, and belief in your capacity to grow.Crossing the Threshold
Saying yes. Entering the unknown. Letting go of certainty. On the weekend, this begins when a man steps into the container and agrees to show up fully.Tests, Allies, and Enemies
Crossing the threshold brings challenge and initiation. The hero meets tests, encounters allies, and discovers who can be trusted. For many men, this is where old defences emerge — and so does the inner critic. But with support, these trials become opportunities. Relationships are forged, skills are tested, and commitment to the journey deepens.Approach to the Inmost Cave
A deeper reckoning. The moment before a breakthrough. It’s tender, scary, and often charged with emotion.The Ordeal
The core moment of confrontation — with grief, rage, shame, or fear. And also with possibility. This is where the transformation begins.Reward (Seizing the Sword)
Clarity, insight, relief. A sense of coming home. Many men experience this as a new sense of identity or inner strength.The Road Back
Returning to daily life — but not as the same person. Here, the challenge is to integrate the work into relationships, work, and community.Resurrection
A final test — life will challenge the new self. But with support and commitment, the new way of being becomes more stable.Return with the Elixir
The man returns home not just for himself, but for others — able to contribute, serve, and support healing in his family and community.
The New Warrior Training Adventure follows this arc from beginning to end. It’s not just a metaphorical container — it’s a carefully facilitated journey designed to help men face their fears, connect with purpose, and return more whole.
And just like the myths, it reminds us: the work of transformation is not a one-time event. It’s a path we’re called to walk again and again — each time a little braver, a little wiser, a little more ourselves.
Carl Jung and the Shadow: Meeting What We’ve Hidden
As the Hero continues deeper into the journey, he encounters not just outer challenges, but inner ones. One of the most essential parts of this descent is meeting the Shadow — a concept introduced to western psychology by Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung.
Jung described the Shadow as the unconscious part of ourselves — the traits, emotions, and impulses we’ve rejected, denied, or pushed out of awareness. These are often aspects we were taught to hide as children: our anger, our vulnerability, our competitiveness, our sexuality, our grief.
But just because they’re hidden doesn’t mean they’re gone.
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
— Carl Jung, from “Aion: Researches into the Phenomenology of the Self”
At the New Warrior Training Adventure, we create a space where men are safely and respectfully invited to look inward — to meet these disowned parts with honesty and courage. The invitation isn’t to fix or judge what we find, but to integrate it — to own the full range of who we are, without shame.
It’s not only the dark emotions we bury. Sometimes, our light gets tucked away too.
Many of us carry deep-rooted inner narratives — stories like “I’m not good enough,” “I’m too much,” or “I don’t belong.” These beliefs often originate in childhood and become internalised as truth. In my own life, the story of “I’m not good enough” lived quietly in the background for years. It shaped my choices, muted my voice, and undermined my confidence — even when I was doing well externally.
That story was part of my shadow. And until I brought it into the light — named it, owned it, and explored where it came from — it blocked not just my healing, but also my brilliance. My capacity to lead, to love fully, and to trust myself.
In Jungian psychology, this integration of the Shadow is key to individuation — becoming whole. Not perfect, not invulnerable — but whole. Able to stand in your truth, own your impact, and show up in relationships with more empathy, clarity, and strength.
In the weekend and the work that follows, men are invited to stop running from what they fear inside — and to turn toward it with courage. Because more often than not, what we fear the most… is also where our power lives.
🌀 Reflection Prompt:
What part of yourself have you hidden out of fear, shame, or old stories?
What might change if you met that part with compassion instead of judgment?
It takes courage to look into the mirror
Robert Bly and the Mythopoetic Men’s Movement
The men’s work I now lead is deeply rooted in the myth of Iron John, as told by poet and author Robert Bly. I didn’t come across this myth in the early ’90s when my inner journey began — it came later, as I became more involved in this work. But when I did, it was like finding language for something I had already lived.
Iron John, as told by poet and author Robert Bly, draws from an old Grimm Brothers’ fairy tale about a young boy who discovers a wild, hairy man locked in a cage at the bottom of a castle. The boy sets him free — and then follows him into the forest. There, his real initiation begins.
The story isn’t just about freedom or rebellion. It’s about transformation. It’s about stepping away from the polished roles we’ve been taught to play, and entering the deeper, wilder parts of ourselves — the parts that carry both our wounds and our wisdom.
One of the powerful themes in Iron John is mentorship. The wild man doesn’t just disappear into the trees. He becomes the boy’s guide — teaching, challenging, and accompanying him through the unknown. The story reminds us that transformation doesn’t happen in isolation. We need mentors. We need uncles and elders. We need those who have walked the path before us to walk beside us as we find our way.
“Where a man’s wound is, that is where his genius will be.”
— Robert Bly, Iron John
This isn’t just poetry — it’s psychological truth. I’ve seen it play out time and time again. A man’s greatest strength often lies just behind his deepest wound. And it’s in the courageous act of turning toward that wound — rather than away from it — that his true power begins to emerge.
This is the essence of the mythopoetic men’s movement: a call to reclaim the full spectrum of masculinity — not just the protector or the provider, but the lover, the artist, the truth-teller, the wild one, the one who weeps. It’s a call to rewild the soul, not by abandoning responsibility, but by embodying it more fully, more consciously, and more compassionately.
The weekends I now help lead are infused with this spirit. They honour myth and metaphor. They use ritual not as performance, but as a language for the soul. And they offer men a rare space to be fully seen — in their grief, their rage, their joy, and their longing.
This work doesn’t just change the man. It changes how he fathers. How he loves. How he leads. It ripples outward — into families, communities, and culture.
And in that way, Iron John lives on — not just as a story, but as a living myth that invites each of us to take up the call and step into the forest.
Iron John Awaits Your Call
King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: The Four Archetypes of Mature Masculinity
One of the most enduring and useful frameworks in men’s work comes from King, Warrior, Magician, Lover by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette. Drawing from Jungian psychology and mythological symbolism, the authors describe four core masculine archetypes — each representing a vital aspect of mature masculinity.
When these archetypes are integrated and balanced, a man feels grounded, purposeful, and aligned. But when they are distorted — either inflated or deflated — they can lead to destructive behaviours, inner conflict, or emotional shutdown.
I’ve seen these patterns in myself, and in the many men I’ve worked with over the years. Understanding them has given us a shared language — not just for insight, but for transformation.
👑 The King
The King archetype is the integrator — the part of us that brings order, holds vision, and blesses. A healthy King is centred, calm, and generative. He builds and protects the realm — not through dominance, but through responsibility and care.
Balanced: Calm authority, generosity, clear boundaries, blessing others
Inflated (Tyrant): Controlling, narcissistic, manipulative, easily threatened
Deflated (Weakling): Indecisive, passive, abdicates responsibility, seeks approval
When a man is in his healthy King, others feel safe around him. He doesn’t need to puff himself up — his power comes from within. But when the King energy is wounded, we often see men who avoid responsibility or overcompensate with control.
⚔️ The Warrior
The Warrior brings focus, discipline, and courageous action. He protects what matters and sets clear boundaries. This is the part of us that says yes to challenge and no to what’s out of alignment.
Balanced: Clear purpose, integrity, healthy boundaries, willing to act under pressure
Inflated (Sadist): Ruthless, aggressive, destructive without conscience
Deflated (Masochist): Passive-aggressive, repressed anger, avoids conflict
A mature Warrior serves the King — he doesn’t fight for ego, but for truth and values. When distorted, the Warrior may lash out or become avoidant. But when embodied, he brings clarity, strength, and honour to a man’s life.
🧙 The Magician
The Magician represents insight, wisdom, and transformation. He holds knowledge of the inner world, and helps us navigate complexity. This is the archetype behind therapists, healers, teachers, and creatives.
Balanced: Curious, thoughtful, reflective, initiatory, holds space for transformation
Inflated (Manipulator): Detached, withholding, uses knowledge to control
Deflated (Innocent or “Dabbler”): Disconnected from intuition, spiritual bypassing, afraid of depth
The Magician helps us make meaning — but when disconnected, he can hide behind intellect or manipulate from the shadows. Healthy Magician energy brings insight, creativity, and depth to all areas of life.
❤️ The Lover
The Lover is the archetype of sensuality, emotion, connection, and aliveness. He feels deeply and seeks beauty, intimacy, and presence.
Balanced: Emotionally available, passionate, attuned, connected to the body
Inflated (Addicted Lover): Overindulgent, boundaryless, driven by pleasure-seeking
Deflated (Impotent Lover): Numb, disconnected, emotionally unavailable
When the Lover is integrated, a man can feel deeply without drowning in emotion. He’s able to experience joy, grief, longing, and connection — all without losing himself.
In the men’s weekends I co-lead, we explore these archetypes through ritual, storytelling, embodiment, and self-reflection. Each man gets to see which energies are alive in him, which are missing, and where distortion may be keeping him stuck.
There is no perfect man. But there is such a thing as a whole man — one who knows his patterns, owns his impact, and keeps showing up to do the work. These archetypes aren’t ideals — they’re invitations.
“A mature man is one who takes responsibility for his inner life and its outward impact.”
Four Masculine Archetypes – King, Warrior, Magician, Lover
Purposeful Living: Coming Home to Yourself
A mature man doesn’t just embody the four archetypes — King, Warrior, Magician, Lover — he knows how to return to centre. From this place of inner homecoming, he can respond to life rather than react. He isn’t ruled by any one part of himself. Instead, he listens deeply, discerns wisely, and acts from alignment.
Sometimes we call this kind of man the medicinal masculine — not because he’s perfect, but because his presence heals. He brings steadiness, clarity, and care into his family, relationships, and community. He knows how to witness emotion without collapsing, how to set boundaries without violence, and how to take responsibility without shame.
I’m reminded again of Robert Bly’s words from Iron John:
“Where a man’s wound is, that is where his genius will be.”
This isn’t just poetic — it’s an invitation.
What if your deepest wound is not a weakness to hide, but a doorway to your greatest strength?
What if your pain holds the blueprint for your purpose?
Over the years, I’ve seen it again and again: men who choose to face themselves, do the inner work, and step into authentic responsibility begin to live with a different kind of energy. Their lives become guided by meaning, not by ego. They stop striving to “prove” themselves and begin to live from purpose — often in service of something greater than themselves.
And this isn’t just about you.
When a man finds his centre and lives with intention, everyone around him feels it — his partner, his children, his team, his friends. He becomes trustworthy. Grounded. A man people can lean on. A man who makes the world feel safer — especially for the people he loves most.
This is not the easy path. But it’s the one that leads home.
Final Thoughts: A Call to the Men Who Are Ready
Over the past decade, I’ve had the deep privilege of witnessing more than a thousand men move through this joureny — from numbness to feeling, from armour to vulnerability, from shame to responsibility.
I’ve seen the moment a man looks in the mirror, really sees himself — not the version he performs for the world, but the raw, honest self beneath the noise. I’ve seen tears fall as fathers commit to showing up differently for their children. I’ve seen partners reunited, not just romantically, but in presence and truth. I’ve seen men face their wounds and emerge with clarity, strength, and a deep desire to serve.
And I’ve lived it myself.
I didn’t come into this work to teach it. I came because I needed it. I came when my life was unraveling — when I felt lost, confused, and unsure how to move forward. And through this path, I found not just healing, but a deeper sense of who I really am. I found community. Purpose. A place to come home to myself. And I met some of my closest, most trusted friends — men who continue to walk beside me in both challenge and celebration.
This work isn’t about fixing your brokenness.
It’s about taking responsibility for your story — and showing up in your full magnificence for yourself, your partner, your children, and your community.
This world doesn’t need more men who are pretending.
It needs more men who are present.
More men who are accountable.
More men who are awake.
So if something in you is stirred — if you feel the ache of “there must be more” — listen to it. Follow it.
This is your invitation.
Returning Home – Purposeful Masculinity
A boy left home, and a man walked in the door….
🔥 Ready to Begin Your Own Journey?
I co-lead the New Warrior Training Adventure here in Australia — a weekend unlike anything most men have experienced. It’s not a retreat. It’s a rite of passage. A chance to meet yourself fully, in the company of men who’ve walked this path and will walk beside you.
Held in locations across Australia and around the world, the weekend is run by a committed team of volunteers through the not-for-profit Mankind Project — an international community dedicated to supporting men’s growth, purpose, and integrity.
You’re not alone.
You don’t have to keep carrying it all.
And the life you long for may be waiting — just on the other side of your first brave step.
👉 Visit mankindproject.org.au to learn more
📩 Or reach out to me directly — I’d be honoured to connect.
